


How Do I Feel?

by TechnoDragon28



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Leogami, M/M, POV Third Person Limited, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnoDragon28/pseuds/TechnoDragon28
Summary: Both Leon and Byakuya attend a music class as a minor subject with other students of Hope's Peak Academy. Recently, Byakuya requested to meet Leon in his room late one night. The rest is a mystery.
Relationships: Kuwata Leon/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 7
Kudos: 68





	How Do I Feel?

**Author's Note:**

> I literally created this account so that I could share this story with a few of my friends without sending them the entire document with all of the plot notes in it. I put... way too much time into this.

It's tonight. What to expect, Leon had no idea. Of all people in the music class to request to come to his room, he never would have guessed for it to be Byakuya. In all honesty, he expected the first one to ask to be one of the girls, perhaps Sayaka or Kaede, that is, if Leon didn't give in and ask first. It was odd, Byakuya had been acting very strange these past few days, but Leon didn't ever dream that it would come this far. Byakuya was absolutely not a social butterfly, and especially not one to give in so easily to others, but ever since Leon wrote and played that melody for the band's latest assignment, Byakuya had been asking… questions, strange questions one wouldn't expect someone with great experience to ask.

"How did you think of that melody?"

"What are you feeling?"

"How did you do that?"

"What's the point?"

"Why did this happen?'

"How… do you feel?"

The questions all sounded so desperate on paper, but in Byakuya's voice, so calm, almost as if they were rhetorical… Were they? He wouldn't have asked like that if he knew, he would've just shown them. He's definitely the type to flaunt nearly everything he's got for the mere purpose of earning respect, at least Leon thought. His feelings toward the guy were pretty mixed; on one hand, he seemed pretty smug and tended to passively brag a lot, even though… he merely bragged by just playing good, even though Ibuki yelled at him to have more spirit and emotion. That was a terrifying day. On the other hand, as mentioned before, Byakuya was quite talented, and somehow his appearance made him all the more charming. He practically had the right to be as proud as he was… and that pissed Leon off. 

Was this envy? Perhaps, but… why did Byakuya have to be so good at everything they have to do? He's not even a music major like the girls are, and yet he almost acts like he's better than them. Leon may not be a music major either, but at least he doesn't puff out his chest-

…

Was Byakuya trying to impress them?

Oh, he better not be. So help them, he better not be. Leon sighed his laughter as the thought passed him again. It sounded almost absurd, yet still realistic enough to be true. Perhaps when Byakuya arrived, he would find out if his suspicion was true or not.

A firm knock on the door stopped Leon in his pacing tracks. He stood still and stared at it blankly for a few seconds, gathering up his courage to open it. He took a deep breath, reminded himself to remain as patient as possible, which wasn't much, and approached the door to welcome his guest. Before him, as he suspected, stood Byakuya Togami. The same stern expression, the same rigid posture, only now… his clothes were a bit more casual. A black, long sleeved sweater, jeans, and velcro shoes? Strange how he decided to meet another person in something other than his suit, but it wasn't like Leon was dressing fancy for him either, practically in his pajamas with a long t-shirt and sweatpants. Somehow, that made them seem even, though briefly.

"Hey," said Leon. "What's up?"

"I told you I would meet you here," Byakuya snapped. "Did you forget?"

"Nah, I didn't forget," Leon mumbled. "I just still have no idea what the hell you're here for... Come on in, I guess."

Though Leon was slightly intimidated by Byakuya's tone, he opened the door wide for him and stepped aside, allowing him into the dimly lit room. As Byakuya entered, Leon closed and locked the door behind him, watching his visitor observing the decor. He could tell that his taste was probably being heavily judged, but still, he had no idea what Byakuya wanted.

"So uhh… what's up?" he asked.

Byakuya didn't respond, his eyes locked onto the shelves of CDs beside Leon's bed. Curious, he approached him, following his gaze. He couldn't tell what Byakuya was thinking at all, thanks to a complete poker face, as usual.

"Hellooo?" Leon called. "You okay over there? What are you doing?"

"Put one of these on," Byakuya ordered suddenly.

"Which one?" asked Leon.

"Any of them," Byakuya said.

"Okay, sure," Leon muttered as he knelt down to the shelf. "But you better not start bitching about what I put on."

Byakuya remained silent, hovering over Leon as he scanned his own CD collection for something that would least likely offend Byakuya. He ignored the albums he chose himself and instead focused on the ones his parents gifted him, since those tended to have more… traditional musical qualities. Hesitantly, he chose a random CD, and upon pulling it out…

"Are you cool with this one?" Leon asked. "I actually haven't heard it before, my mom really likes smooth jazz and stuff."

"I don't care what it is," Byakuya said bluntly.

"Okay then," Leon muttered. 

Standing again, Leon turned on the old stereo and opened the disk tray, which revealed three other CDs already inside, rotating one of them to the very front-

"You could've just played one of those," Byakuya said.

"No way, that's punk rock, you'd hate it," Leon frantically blurted as he swapped the closest CD with the one in his hand. "Just take the one you got."

Hastily, Leon put the other disk away, closing the tray and shoving the case back into the shelf. As the old stereo began playing a soft, swelling orchestra of strings, Leon turned to see Byakuya still standing in his place, still staring at the stereo with the same expression.

"So, are you gonna tell me what you're here for now?" Leon asked impatiently. "I mean… uh… seriously, what's up?"

"Nothing," Byakuya said. "I just wanted to listen to music."

"W-What?" Leon stammered. "Why did you come to me then?"

"Different music," said Byakuya.

Leaving Leon with that, Byakuya sat upon the edge of his bed, staring at the floor. Weird... He was like an amateur actor, a fish out of water pretending to be comfortable in this unusual environment. Leon didn't know much about him, but he had high doubts that he spent a lot of his time listening to love songs surrounded by rock music equipment. Still, "different music?" 

"Why's that?" Leon asked.

"Why are you asking so many questions?" Byakuya asked back.

"Because… this really isn't like you, dude," Leon said as he sat beside him. "Like… Why would a guy like you wanna hang around a guy like me? I'm just tryna understand it."

"Oh be quiet, will you?" Byakuya hissed. "I'm trying to listen."

Leon went silent. Admittedly, he was a little uneasy. What in the world was Byakuya plotting? Perhaps he'd get his answers if he just… waited? With a sigh, he laid back on his bed and stretched. He may as well pretend Byakuya wasn't even there and just listen to the music like he usually does. Lifting his head slightly, he could see Byakuya's rigid back, his head tilted forward just a bit to look at the floor. Leon couldn't tell if Byakuya was confident or anxious. Whatever it was, it was strange regardless. Leon lowered his head again and stared vacantly at the ceiling, the music serving as white noise as his thoughts drifted away. He barely noticed the songs change after a few moments. Upon realizing they were half way through the song, he checked on Byakuya again.

He looked… a bit more relaxed… or was he troubled?

Byakuya was leaning forwards, holding his head in his hand. He must've been deep in thought. Perhaps Leon should check on him at this same point in each song? He was admittedly curious to see what would happen next, and as he had suspected, Byakuya would change just a little each time. By the time they reached the fifth song, Leon was struggling to not fall asleep. The ballads had managed to soothe him into slumber, and it didn't help that it was so late at night, what time was it, anyway? Slowly, he pried his eyes open and began to sit up-

Whoa, what was that? Was Byakuya looking back at him just now, or was that just his imagination? He looks like he's barely moved, why was he hunched over like that? Was he asleep?

"Hey," Leon called softly as he sat up. "You okay?"

Byakuya mumbled something inaudible, his head hanging low as he was practically curled up. He looked like a pathetic, broken toy, sitting upon a shelf, forgotten… Gently, Leon placed his hand on his back, giving him a reassuring pat. Upon the touch, Byakuya sat up again, his arms crossed… no, wrapped around himself. Leon took his hand off of him, perhaps he touched a soft spot. 

"Sorry," Leon grunted.

Sleepily, he stretched again, glancing at the clock.

"Holy shit," he yawned. "It's eleven thirty already?"

"Were you asleep?" Byakuya asked in a strangely soft tone.

"Heh, pretty much," Leon chuckled. "How 'bout you?"

Byakuya said nothing. In fact, he looked away. Leon pretended not to notice and stumbled to his feet.

"I'm gonna get a drink," he said. "Do you want anything?"

Byakuya turned his head a little bit towards him, but didn't respond otherwise.

"Hey," Leon called a little louder. "I said do you want anything?"

"No thank you," Byakuya muttered.

"... Okay."

Leon wasn't expecting such a polite response like that from him, but now wasn't the time to ponder it impatiently. He turned and approached his mini-fridge, reaching into the cold light for a bottle of water. The chilling air felt more discomforting than refreshing after sitting on his warm bed for… How long has it been? About an hour? Then wouldn't the stereo change CDs? Unless someone changed the CDs themselves...

Leon shook it off. Maybe it was just an oddly long CD… but don't they have a limit-? Oh whatever. Who cares? Who honestly cares. Right then, the stereo was playing a rather somber song, though he paid little attention to the lyrics, it seemed to be about a loss of some kind… Wait, it's a metaphor. He made a mental note to listen again while he was more awake to analyze the lyrics. He pondered why exactly they added the softest sound of crying to the track. Was it really necessary? But before he could snicker at it, he turned around to head back to his bed, and…

"... Hey, hey!"

Before him, he saw Byakuya wiping tears from his eyes. Quickly, he strode over and sat beside Byakuya again.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Nothing," Byakuya whined. "I'm fine."

"Hey, no," Leon said. "Something happened here. Was it the music?"

"I said…!"

Byakuya's voice went quiet as quickly as it had raised. His face, saddened and softened, a strange yet almost comforting sight to see… Why was this comforting? What was that feeling? Maybe he was simply curious to see Byakuya express an emotion besides… defensive. 

"It's alright, it's okay," Leon said reassuringly. "Here, have some."

Leon passed the bottle towards Byakuya, but he refused to take it, crossing his arms again and looking away. Even though it was denied, Leon wasn't sure if Byakuya would have it later, so he placed it aside on the floor between their feet. Right now, he was prioritizing the one who was struggling. 

"Why were you crying?" he asked.

"Why do you care?" Byakuya snapped. 

"Jeez man, I dunno," Leon sighed. "I guess it's just that when I see somebody cry, I get this urge to help them out. Not to mention, you were crying. I never imagined you to be like that."

Byakuya, once again, said nothing, averting his eyes to the floor.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Leon asked. "I'm totally cool with it, it's a weekend night after all… I mean, I'd still talk if it was a weekday night but… you get what I mean."

There was a moment of quietness from the two of them, the gentle music being the only thing from allowing silence to be present. Finally, Byakuya responded to him.

"I'm supposed to be the Ultimate Affluent Progeny," Byakuya began. "But… despite that, I wonder what my life would be like if I never had to do that."

"Are you saying that you're being forced to be something you don't wanna be?" Leon asked.

"No, not exactly," Byakuya said. "I mean… It's more so, I look at you and the others, and I wonder if there's something I'm missing out on."

"I thought that was all 'commoner' stuff to you," Leon recalled.

"That's what I was told to believe," Byakuya sighed. "But at the same time, I've seen people around here who are still accepted as professionals have a sense of humor, and… they honestly seem more accepted by others. Being professional doesn't mean you have to be hated, right? All of you seem…"

An unsettling, dreadful pause, yet Leon knew what Byakuya was about to say.

"Well, I don't exactly hate you," Leon said. "I mean I don't hate you at all, I don't have a real good reason to, especially now that I've seen this side of you, you're honestly more convincing than you usually are. It's cool, really."

"You think so?" Byakuya gasped with a sparkle in his eyes.

"Yeah," said Leon. "Cuz this is the real you, not who you were forced to be."

Byakuya gave Leon a sad smile.

"That is who I am," he said. "I just want to change a bit for once. I still want to be the Ultimate Affluent Progeny, I just… I want to feel a different emotion for once. I need to explore something new if I want to understand it."

"You did just now, right?" Leon said. "You were crying. I've… never seen you even a little bit sad. You're always so tight and closed off, like you're out of place."

Leon wasn't sure how to put his precise thoughts into words, yet Byakuya seemed to understand.

"That's why I came to you," Byakuya explained. "Of all the people I know here, there's something about you… I don't know what it is, but I feel like you can teach me."

Perhaps that special something was Leon's cuteness, that's at least what he liked to think.

"Teach you what…?" he asked.

"Tell me," Byakuya began. "How do I feel?"

"Aha… what?!" Leon exclaimed. "Feel what? How am I supposed to do that? What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," Byakuya sighed. "I need to feel a new emotion... I guess you could just talk to me."

The way Byakuya talked, the way he looked at Leon, the way his hand stroked back his own hair, all the way down to the way he perched at the edge of the bed… who was this new Byakuya? The two were almost nothing alike, but somehow, Leon actually felt the urge to help him, like he was drawn to this new handsome fella before him… or perhaps he was being influenced by the romantic music playing in the room. It was like being drunk on wine, without… actually being drunk on wine. Maybe it was just because he was sleepy, or perhaps the lyrics of the song referred to the bubbles of champagne and the deep redness of wine. Wait, he already thought about wine. Why was he thinking about wine? Oh right, because the song mentioned it. Was Byakuya sleepy too, maybe also thinking about wine? How… how long have they been staring at each other like this…? Oh god, oh shit, say something you idiot!!!

"Uh… uh… why don't you ask me a question?" Leon stuttered. 

"One thing I am curious about," Byakuya began. "Is why you're in the music class even though you're the Ultimate Baseball Star?"

"Ahaha, that's a dumb story, man," Leon nervously chuckled. 

Though the thought of the story usually made him feel guilty, something about that moment made it feel like a casual embarrassment of the past. It was almost like he was teasing Byakuya to ask again. 

"Oh please, you'll be interviewed someday," Byakuya hummed. "You know you'll have to spill the beans eventually, so tell me, Leon."

"Did… did you drug me…?" Leon laughed.

"What?" Byakuya nearly spat. "Why would I do that?"

"I just feel kinda funny," Leon said.

"You're just tired," chuckled Byakuya. "Hey, you didn't drink any of your water…"

"I was saving it for you," Leon admitted. 

"Surely, you have more in your fridge, right?" Byakuya said. "I'll just get one myself if I need it. You got this for yourself anyway."

Before Leon could protest, Byakuya reached down and grabbed the bottle, passing it to him. Leon just accepted it and began unscrewing the cap.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"And… thank you too," Byakuya said.

Leon nearly choked on his sip of water.

"Uh… anytime, man," he recovered. "So… you wanna know why I'm into music…"

"Yes, I've been waiting patiently," said Byakuya. 

Leon paused, his rational side telling him to shut up, but his curious and adventurous side said, oh what the hell?

"It's pretty stupid," Leon began. "But basically, there was this girl I met back in my freshman year, and uhh… she was really cute, and…"

It was hard to tell the story while Byakuya looked at him like that. Those deep, blue, sparkling ocean eyes, their sleepy gaze and his gentle smile, all with the steady sound of a waltzing bass behind them, swinging and swaying with a trotting piano and hissing hi-hats, singing a merry tune of love and intimacy... The stringed nightlights around the room and their gentle glows reflecting off of his golden hair… Wait, he was trailing off again… what happened?

"... She said to me… I mean I tried to talk to her first," Leon continued. "And she said that she only liked musicians and stuff, so that was my original motivation."

"Hm, cute," Byakuya chuckled. "You seem so passionate about the art of music."

"Yeah, I kinda just drifted to just… enjoying it," Leon said. 

"Do you still pine for her?" Byakuya asked. 

"Actually, I got with her," Leon said dismissively. "It was fine, but then…"

He wasn't sure if he should finish his sentence.

"Go on," Byakuya encouraged. "I won't tell anyone."

"She cheated on me," Leon blurted out. "I've moved on to someone else now. It was dumb of me to get into music because of some random chick. I'm actually ashamed of the whole thing, y'know? Cuz that's my legacy. That's why I'm here. That's what's going in the history books. I'm already famous, so I'm basically screwed…"

Leon looked down at his hand to see it gripping the blankets in a tight fist. His teeth were clenched, his head hurt, he had never told anyone this before, and he just told the one person in his class that was open to him. 

"Hey…"

Over his tense hand, Byakuya gingerly placed his own.

"You should be proud of how much you've grown," he whispered. "Let that pride be your fuel. There are people in this world that will support you no matter what. You know that, right?"

The question came out before Leon could reconsider it.

"What happened to you?" he asked. "You're like… a completely different person."

"I… I guess I'm just relaxed…" Byakuya said. "I'm… happy?"

"Are you implying that you're not usually happy?" Leon asked.

"Not usually," sighed Byakuya. "I'm mostly just thinking about… myself. My appearance, how I talk, all of that. As of right now, I have never in my life been thinking so little. It's beginning to scare me how relaxed I am. I'm like… floating, almost. Like dude, these are my hands!"

…

Leon wasn't sure if what just happened was real or his crazy imagination drifting off into a dream again.

"We are so tired," Leon laughed. 

"I know, right?" Byakuya giggled. "What's going on right now?"

Suddenly, the music stopped, and it did not return. As the stereo turned itself off, the two of them sat together, laughing at their own sleepy ramblings. Finally, Leon smartened up and checked the clock again.

"Whaaaaat?" he howled softly. "It's already midnight… damn…"

"Is it?" Byakuya yawned. "Oh… huh…"

"Do you sleep with your glasses on?" Leok asked as he turned back to face him.

"No way in hell," Byakuya said as he took off his glasses and set them aside.

"Oh! What a look," Leon flirted. "That's cute…"

"'Cute?'" Byakuya repeated. "You think I'm cute?"

"Everyone thinks you're cute," Leon said. 

"That was a poor attempt at covering yourself up," Byakuya laughed. "But… thank you."

A warm blush spread across both of their faces as they looked at each other.

"I-I should probably get going," Byakuya sighed. "We both need to sleep."

"You can stay here if you want," Leon said without thinking… again.

"Oh, I've never… had that happen to me before…" Byakuya stammered. "I mean… I… can I…?"

Byakuya held out his arms, it looked like he was asking for...

"You wanna hug?" Leon guessed.

"Um… yeah…" Byakuya whispered. "Please…"

There it is. The golden ticket. As Leon wrapped his arms around him, Byakuya's tears began to run again. His sobs grew heavy as Leon's touch made his skin tingle. That was… oddly fast. How touch starved was this man? Softly, Leon hushed him, and the two of them fell to the blankets and held each other close, releasing their bottled up emotions out into the void...

…

…

…

Ugh… What time is it?

Five in the morning. That's normal…

Oh yeah, it's a weekend, he may as well go back to sleep…

…

What the fuck is that in his bed?

"Whoa…" Leon breathed to himself. "What happened last night…?"

Ah yes. He doesn't remember much, but what he does remember was he and Byakuya talked until past midnight and cried themselves to sleep while hugging each other. Now they're there, cuddling in bed.

…

How the hell did that happen…?

Leon sat up, looking down upon Byakuya's peaceful, dreaming face. He had one arm wrapped around Leon's pillow where his head once was, and the other resting atop his torso. Carefully, Leon moved his hand aside and turned to sit at the edge of the bed. He was definitely tired, still, but he had to think… 

What happened last night? Why did it happen? Did he feel any regret? … Not really. And also, how could Byakuya sleep in jeans? Who the hell does that? And who left their jeans here on the floor? … Hold on a second…

"Leon…?"

The drowsy voice behind him called, and he turned to look back at Byakuya rubbing his eyes.

"What happened?" he squeaked. 

"I dunno," Leon sighed. "I mean… how do you feel?"

"How do I feel?" Byakuya hummed. "I feel fine… and you?"

"I'm alright," Leon said. "I'm just nervous is all."

"Why?" asked Byakuya.

"Well… you left your pants on my floor," Leon began. "You're in my bed, it's five o'clock in the morning right now, so that means we've been here for… one, two, three, four… eight hours."

"Wow," Byakuya chuckled as he laid back down. "Are you coming back to bed?

"Yeah."

As he said it, Leon crawled back beneath the sheets, which was a troubling thought because it implied that they both consciously decided to snuggle up here. It wasn't an accident at all. Yet, there he was again, sitting beside Byakuya, and there was Byakuya, lying next to him. Who'd have thought? With a tiny little whimper, Byakuya clambered onto Leon and clung onto him tightly, his arms wrapped around his chest.

"What are you doing?" Leon laughed.

"I just needed a hug…" Byakuya whispered.

"Ah… cool…" Leon trailed off again.

That burning, wriggling, giggling feeling was back. It taunted him, smothering his face with a squeeze. No way… he was totally falling for it. It had all come down to this. Oh what the hell, he's older now, much older than last time. They may be young, but this was life now, and he had an itch he needed to scratch… but for now, to savor the moment… So supple, he was, as his body rested atop Leon's, his smooth skin and silky hair gracing against his own. Ever so slowly, Leon's hand stroked up and down Byakuya's back, rubbing his soft sweater against his spine and shoulders. For once, Byakuya's body actually felt relaxed, his face buried into Leon's neck. There was nothing but silence around their breathing air, broken by the humming sound of Leon's voice up against Byakuya's ear.

"What did you say?" Byakuya asked as he pulled away.

Oh great, now he had to say it again.

"I think I'm in love with you," Leon repeated. "You know like… You've helped me out a lot… we're cuddling and stuff… I really like you."

Byakuya went still as his mind processed the words he was given. He didn't seem to fully understand what he was just told, but he was aware of his struggle.

"No one's ever said that to me before," Byakuya muttered. "I guess… I might love you too, but I can't be sure, I've never felt it."

"W-Wait, you really mean that?" Leon stammered. "I mean… You don't have to feel like you have to say that, i-if you really do like me like that then… that's pretty cool…"

Somehow, he was… okay with that. The person before him, could he really consider them his partner? If he were to be with someone, to dedicate his life to them, he'd want it to be someone who trusted him. Byakuya was absolutely someone who trusted him, and he felt he could trust in return. He was someone who comforted him, who wanted to change for the better, and promised to never say a peep about what they did or said whenever they were alone…

"I guess I'm just scared," Byakuya sighed. "I'm scared that it won't work out, when I really want it to. I don't wanna fight, I just wanna be with you, but… what will my father say? I mean… I doubt he'll allow this, my whole purpose is to make him a child-"

"Oh, right, that," Leon growled. "Screw that, you're an adult now, right? You don't need him to poke you around anymore."

A melancholy whimper came from Byakuya as he lowered his face to Leon's chest. His body went tense again, a saddening aura radiating from him. Gently, Leon began petting Byakuya's back again, trying his best to soothe him.

"I want you to be real with me, okay?" Leon began. "Cuz like, you… I was just… I just love you for who you are, man, not what you are or what your name is or whatever the hell you're gonna do in the future with your talent and all that. You're just… you're just a cute guy, you've helped me a lot, I've helped you a lot, we hang out together and talk about life, cuddle a bit, and the next thing I realize… I wanna keep cuddlin' you, man. I really do."

That was the selling point. What happened then? Byakuya silently fumbled for the words as his eyes teared up again…

"I love you, I do."

No one had ever said anything along those lines to Byakuya. No one had ever held him the way Leon did, or kissed him like he was kissing him in that moment. His heart fluttered and his euphoria flew, finally, he had learned to love, like he had always wanted. For once in his life, he wasn't worried about what the future held, only the present.


End file.
